So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize