walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
