Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
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