im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize