His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
