went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
