You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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