OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
