I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize