we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
