just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
