please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the liver wants what the liver wants
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
