a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
