Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
