Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
