did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
