You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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