A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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