maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
