dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
