last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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