I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
