You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
