oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
