how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize