What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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