So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
