I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize