you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
