So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
