woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize