Quick, to the slutcave!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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