Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
