when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
