I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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