remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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