so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
