so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
