Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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