i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
