i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
