Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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