you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
