bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
