Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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