I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
