She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
