I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
