my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
