i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
