a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Please don't give away my fajitas
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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