I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
