How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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