awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
