It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
