im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
