I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize