he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
