Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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