The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
