whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize