He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
