Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
