we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my being single is dangerous.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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