you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
