can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
