Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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