Pants 0. Shit 1.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
