you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
3pm strippers are depressing
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
