yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize