i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
