The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
