i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
did you just send me my own nude
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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