He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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